PROFILES IN DESTRUCTION: #GODZILLA

Few things in the history of history poses the "OH FUCK" factor of Godzilla! When I say "OH FUCK" I mean in terms of what first goes through your mind when you see a Giant, nuclear charged mutant lizard destroying the shit out of everything in its path...I would guess anyone would go "OH FUCK" when they saw something like that then promptly bend over and kiss their arses goodbye!


At one time I owned every Godzilla movie on VHS...and I'm not kidding here!  When I was a kid I would stay up late on Friday nights watching Sammy Terry's monster feature which usually was...a Godzilla movie and that was a big deal because Sammy Terry scared the shit outta me!  I would mow lawns back in the day and take the money and buy Godzilla figures straight from Japan.  Godzilla is fucking awesome and indestructible.  Crazy Bipolar women, Space Aliens, Giant Robots, Giant Moths, Giant Space Monsters, Giant Pterodactyls, Giant fucking weird oil slick things, nuclear weapons...not even the US Military can fuck Godzilla's shit up!  He is basically unbeatable...Chuck Norris or Captain America maybe could take Godzilla, but only if he (Godzilla) let them win.  Point is there is no force more awesome-destructive-bad ass then Godzilla!  

Christ he's a a 60,000 ton, 328 ft tall Giant Fucking Force of destruction!  Contrary to popular beliefe Godzilla has no weaknesses...PEROID!  He bleeds awesome...figuratively speaking!  Godzilla's signature weapon is his distinctive atomic nuclear death breath which can melt anything even Wolverines skeleton...so fuck you fan boys...Godzilla fucks up adamantium...deal with it!  Godzilla can also emit atomic energy in all directions from every inch of his body in a short-range pulse called the nuclear pulse so when you see him don't plan on texting or uploading any shit to Facebook ladies because the pulse fries electronics so you're fucked!  Godzilla can swim to the deepest deaths of the ocean and it doesn't do shit to him so eat a dick James Cameron...Godzilla pisses on your Challenger Deep weak ass shit!  Godzilla possesses an extremely advanced and highly efficient regenerative ability!  Duh he's a reptile and you know what reptiles regenerate?  The best and coolest kinds!  All the bad ass things he's capable of wouldn't be as bad ass if it wasn't for the coolest part about Godzilla...his Roar! It's awesome, in fact it's my text tone on my iPhone!  

What I don't get is Japan!  How in the hell can you let a tsunami wipe out a city and crack a nuclear reactor and not handle it properly when all you little look a likes consistently rebuild Tokyo after Godzilla destroys the fuck out of it!  Get your shit together assholes!  You mean to tell me with all the cool electronics and video games you geniuses have conceived you can't fix a natural disaster!  Pathetic!  Obviously all the fire bombs and nukes we dropped on ya during WW2 didn't go very far on making your resourceful!  The 90 year old guy living on some remote island who still is surviving planning on holding that beachhead when the Marines invade I guarantee is dealing with adversity juuuuuust fine!


I'm glad we nuked Japan and did all that atomic testing back in the day because without all that shit there wouldn't be a Godzilla!  So a thank you Japan would be nice!