PROFILES IN AWESOME: JIMMY SNUKA

Growing up in the 80's I was a HUGE wrestling fan!  I watched the WWF religiously and after church on Sundays (yes I did go to church and I was an alter boy too without a sore butt, that woulda been my brother Matsui) I would slum a little and watch those backwoods hicks on TBS; the NWA!  Not Eazy's NWA but the National Wrestling Alliance!  Anyways the WWF was my favorite by far!  One of my favorite wrestlers was Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka!

Jimmy Snuka was one bad mother fucker!  Besides being a Samoan with a jerry curl, he was one of the only men outside of Tarzan the Ape Man and presently myself who could pull off wearing leopard print trunks!  When Jimmy came to the ring you didn't know if he was going to beat the shit outta someone or do a sexy fire dance while mixing mojitos!  

Snuka was one of the most ripped wrestlers I remember at the time aside from a select few and those select few are all dead...looking at you Von Erics!!  That guy was a solid muscle of a man!  Pretty sure he came out of his mother's vagina looking awesome if he was even born of a woman!  My money says a volcano just up and shit him out one day!  What I remember most about Jimmy Snuka was his eyes!  He had the fucking craziest eyes I've ever seen on someone who wasn't blonde and bipolar!  When he looked into the camera it was a cross between an animal with rabies and and a dude who had the worst case of blue-balls ever!  He had some scary fucking eyes!  Superfly never had a bad match!  He walked to the ring oozing awesome, got the ring oozing awesome, and wresteld oozing awesome!  If he lost...it was because loosing suited him!  No one ever beat him if he didn't want them to!

The most awesomely bad ass thing about Superfly was his finishing maneuver!  If you don't know what Snuka's finishing maneuver was then you probably grew up in Siberia blowing radiation contaminated Rein Deer!  Snuka's finishing maneuver was the Superfly Super Splash off...not just from the top rope, but off the top of a fucking steel cage!  He was the first aerial acrobat wrestler...EVER!  It was so bad ass to watch Superfly hit a dude with a few chops, throw him against the ropes, fly into the dude knocking him down!!!  Then he would slowly, methodically climb to the top of the ropes or cage, crowd going insane, raise his hands to heavens give the Superfly Devil Horns of awesomeness and jump right down on a dude...leopard print g-string muscled out dude crushing dude!  Gay?  FUCK NO it wasn't gay assholes because wrestling isn't gay...it's awesome and if you don't think so there's about a million beer drinking welfare raised maniacs living in trailers who will tell you otherwise!  

To this day Jimmy Snuka's autograph along with a picture of him and me together is one of my most sought after things!  I'll get that picture someday...he and I flexing like mad, crazy eyes burning right into the souls of everyone who witnesses our combined awesomeness!  FUCK YEAH!

Cheers!