PROFILES IN THE BEST EVER: CAPTAIN AMERICA @CaptainAmerica

In the world of Super Heroes there's Captain America and everyone else!  And before you Batman fanboys get your cock socks in a pinch lemme tell you this, Batman is cool...if you like to bone 14 year old boys!  Captain America would kick the shit out of Batman!

Ya see Cap chose to become a super hero.  He didn't boo hoo over his parents getting whacked by some two bit crook.  He didn't whine and cry because his parents fucked up his home world and had to jet his ass across the universe only to get his powers from a yellow sun (ghay much?)!  He didn't fuck up a gamma bomb detonation by having to save some dip shit dirt biking around the New Mexico desert only to end up a giant green rage monster.  He wasn't joy riding in space when he was hit with cosmic rays causing him and his three friends to become "Fantastic"!  He doesn't have a stupid ass ring that makes giant green fists!  Nope Not cap!

Cap was made the awesome way, in a lab with science and awesomeness out of the necessity to have someone who could go to Germany and whip some Nazi ass!  Cap was a sickly kid whose mom died of TB!  He had to hustle the streets as a malnourished weakling getting his ass beat by bullies!  But did Cap give up?  Fuck and No!  He kept fighting until some crazy scientist decided to inject him with the Super Soldier serum and bombard his ass with Vita Rays...turning him into a model for homosapien superiority much to the chagrin of Hitler and his bogus master race plan!  Yep they made Cap look lke one of those krat super men so he could go over and kick Nazi ass with their own silly idea!  

But the brainbugs in the US didn't stop there, nope...they went ahead and screwed up an experiment fusing an alloy made from adimatium (same stuff Wolverine's skeleton is made of) and vibranium.  That  fuck up made an indestructible shield of perfect balance and weight and they gave it to Cap because apparently they felt he didn't kick enough ass already!  

Bring any one bad guy to the table and Cap wipes his ass with them!

Darth Vader vs. Cap - bitch please, Vader is 90% machine and Cap has spent a lifetime whipping the shit out of machines made by the Nazis, Hydra, Machine Man, and countless other douchebags who forgot how Awesome Cap is!  "But what about the force" fuck the force in the ass.  Cap's iron will and courage alone negate any force Vader could use.  As for his lightsaber, Cap's shield would deflect that because everyone knows a lightsaber can't slice through Cap's shield. In a matter of minutes (and I'm being liberal) Cap would turn Vader into a charred heap of scrap metal!


Jason, Freddy Kruger, Michael Myers vs. Cap - Are you serious?  Cap would actually fight all three of these "B" listers with his bare hands sans the shield!  Did I mention Cap is an expert in every fighting style known to man, he is the peak of human engineering and no one is his better when it comes to hand to hand combat.  He'd end up shoving Kruger's disfigured head up Jason's ass after he's shoved Meyer's dick in Jason's mouth making a pretzel of slasher's.  On the sideline the dude from scream is shitting and pissing himself watching the technical carnage take place!

Vampire vs. Cap - Simple, Cap throws his shield seemingly missing the vampire.  We all know vampires are selfish, and self absorbed assholes so while they sit and gloat about Cap missing...blah blah blah his shield ricochets off a nearby wall and comes back chopping that smug fucking vampire's head off!  

Boba Fett vs. Cap - never happen!  Cap would be like "I know you're a bad ass dude and I respect that", and Fett would be like "I idolized you before some asshole cut my dad's head off, let's get a beer"!  Then they'd go chill and for fun take down a Hydra base!

I could go on forever because I xoxo Captain America.  He's my favorite super hero of all time!  Cap stands for America before it became a nation of leftist pussies crying about bullies and feelings under the veil of taking all our rights away via Orwellian style tactics!  

Even though they mucked up the movie it was pretty sweet, but they need to make his modern Avengers uni a little less retarded looking, he's not Batman and I thought his (Batman) outfit was horrible in those horrible Christopher Nolan movies....waaaaaaaaa I'm Batman, I'm jaded!  Fuck off!  Go Cap!

Cheers!