Drug cartels with no regard for humanity are killing people
off by the hundreds in unique ways while promoting the sex slave trade rather
well, in the Middle east it seems vogue to start civil wars and parade toddlers
around carrying severed heads, Russia is full on bringing sexy back with their
saber rattling in the Ukraine, Meanwhile in Africa between outbreaks of a
lethal disease and pirating some jackoff is kidnapping young girls to set the
World Record for the largest harem of black girls…where’s Jesse Jackson and Al
Sharpton?
Europe is a complete worthless joke full of the same
complacent fucks who have their heads firmly planted up their collective asses
just like they did when 6 million Jews were getting the worlds largest
shower! Israel seems to have played a
little too much Call of Duty because they’re literally shelling the fuck out of
a bunch of Palestinian Primates who act like that pesky ADD toddler who just
won’t leave you the fuck alone while your enjoying a beer on the curb at the 7
Eleven because you just dumped your girlfriend for blowing the Mayor of Toronto
for a few Gs!
Naturally Satan is behind all of this, just ask Glen
Beck! And Naturally the world would be a
better place if we didn’t have a buncha old white men running around with guns, just ask Michael Bloomberg who btw
is a Jew and probably supports Israel
man handling those retards! I could go
on but this isn’t a political statement, I’ll let the gay people do that on
their never ending quest to have every right imaginable so they proclaim “I’m
gay”…yes even gay men play football…shocker!
Yeah the world is a pretty horrible place and we currently have some
pretty terrible leaders and in times like this we look to things to distract us
from all the shit the 24 hour news cycle feeds us and...
Like the case of herpes you accidentally acquired getting a
blow job from a biracial tranny behind a cheap Chinese restaurant I’m back and
it’s no coincidence that it’s the start of the NFL Season!
Now there are some things predictably I’d like to get off my
chest primarily being my increasing hate for the NFL and the knucklehead
motherfuckers who run its day to day operations. As far as complete inept douchbagary in this
country goes the Federal Government is tops followed by the NCAA but the NFL is
quickly climbing the rungs with the top spot in sight! Look I’m gonna be real here is it a
coincidence that I’m living in the era where we may have had the two worst
presidents in modern history and the worst NFL Commissioner ever?
The country and league are quickly going down
the toilet! Every year the Steelers or a
physical team wins the Super Bowl and Peyton Manning doesn’t then the
competition committee changes the rules to make sure it’s harder to play
physical and easier for Manning to win because this league so disparately wants
Manning to be the greatest player every to put on a helmet and pads! Fuck that nonsense...I think I speak for the majority of NFL fans in saying it's bullshit. I could rant and rave about all the rule changes to make the game "safe" and fan friendly but where I come from safe and fan friendly are for pussies and that's what the NFL is morphing into...and it fucking sucks...in fact everything is really starting to suck...like everything I grew up loving is sucking huge dicks (except for my mother and sister) or headed that way! Praying for that meteor!
NFC WEST
Thank you Seattle for dismantling Peyton Manning so
convincingly that you validated everything I’ve been saying about that cock-bag
for the last 15 years…and fuck you very much Seattle for beating said QB so
badly that the league felt the need to change up the rules once again to make
it easier for Manning to win the Super Bowl and validate his career! All Bullshit aside Seattle is loaded with
talent and new rules or not they should be right back in the NFC Championship
game followed by….Arizona whom I believe is a sleeper for a deep post season
run pending they stay healthy and their respective players don’t get busted for
PEDs because said players careers are on the downside not unlike….the 49ers who
I believe has their window closing rapidly if they don’t do shit this season
especially after giving poster-boy Collin Kapernick a boat load of cash. The 49ers defense was once their strong point
but with injuries and off the field injuries it just may be their weakness like
the…Rams are at QB! Talk about over-rated;
Bradford shoulda stayed on the reservation crafting ant-Redskin signs out of
whiskey labels for some hollow protests all the while trying to broker a casino
deal! The Rams are young and talented
but like all young and talented teams (looking at you Detroit) if you don’t
have a serviceable QB then you have nothing!
Final Division Standings:
Seattle, Arizona, San Francisco, St Louis
NFC EAST
The Eagles jumped out of nowhere last season to prove all
the Chip Kelly haters and his visor hat wrong and tell assholes like me to
collectively suck Kelly’s dick with a side of “I told ya so”! I ate that and it was surprisingly bitter
sweet like salted caramel dripping from a camel’s dick! Sadly I think the Eagles will be a lot better
with a full season under Chip’s belt!
Like Arizona I think the Eagles can do some damage in the post season
which is a bright spot for…and otherwise shitty division with the ho-hum Giants
who’re in full “re-build” mode with a QB in Eli Manning who in his 10th
year may be washed up just like…Tony Romo who I don’t know how in the hell is
still the QB of the Dallas Cowboys. It
shocked me back in April when Jerry Jones known for bat-shit crazy personnel
moves decided to take the conservative route and pass on Johnny Manziel! Last we have the Redskins who are not only
fighting to be relevant in an otherwise irrelevant division but fighting
against the Liberal mainstream Media who feel the Redskins should invoke a name
change…FYI The Redskins should tell the haters to fuck off and do what they
want just like we did to the Injuns when we wanted this country that we’re
slowly running into the ground…Manifest Destiny bitch faces…deal with it!
Final Division Standings:
Philly, Dallas, New York, Washington
NFC NORTH
First let me say “fuck this division in the mouth”…the
embarrassing loss the Steelers had in London to a bottom feeding Vikings team,
the piss-poor loss to the Bears on Sunday Night where Big Ben sucked...those
right there left a bad taste in my mouth, but primarily because Aaron Rogers
pussy ass blew my chances of Back-to-back Fantasy Championships by getting hurt
at the worst possible time! Fuck you
Rogers, how about you take a Discount Double Dick in the ass! Despite my hate for the NFC North I think it
has potential to be a very competitive division and might yield two playoff
caliber teams! The Bears look poised to
finally do something and I hope so because I get tired of all the fat, lazy and
unemployed white-trash Bears fans sitting on their asses drinking shitty beer
talking about how good the Bears are going to be year in and year out! You pathetic pieces of shit, I pity you about
as much…as the Lions fans who effectively follow a team whose city is one rung
higher than Kabul on the list of shit-holes…which Minnesota is nearing if that
team doesn’t do something soon while AD Peterson is slowly approaching the
twilight of his career…which is precisely where Aaron Rogers seems to be headed
along with the Packers who appear to have had their window closed on them. Even though the Packers have dominated that
division of late, their playoff losses to younger, more talented teams has to
be unsettling for Cheese fans that only 3 years ago saw their beloved team
hoist their 4th Lombardi…thanks to that no good piece of
shit…Rashard Mendenhall. And all you fuckers,
who told me how good Mendenhall was, please put your nuts in a blender and piss
off!
Final Division Standings: Chicago, Green Bay, Detroit, Minnesota
NFC SOUTH
Ahh Yeah…Dirty South!
Last season saw the emergence of the Carolina Panthers as a
Final Division Standings: New Orleans, Carolina, Atlanta,
Tampa Bay
NFC PLAYOFF
PROJECTION
NORTH - Chicago Bears
SOUTH - New Orleans Saints
EAST – Philadelphia Eagles
WEST – Seattle Seahawks
WILDCARD – Arizona Cardinals, Green Bay Packers
CONFERENCE CHAMP – Seattle Seahawks
AFC WEST
If you watch the mainstream sports new outlets (ESPN, NFLN)
then there is really only one division in football with one team…Denver. I’m not sure why everyone is in love with
Peyton Manning…choke-job mother fucker.
I guess they (media) could pick a much worse person to obsess over! Either way I’m tired of hearing about the
Broncos and Manning and I hoped that the raping they got at the hands of
Seattle was highly entertaining and I hoped it would lay to rest all this
Manning love…but no…it did not. If it
did anything it made it worse…FML! The
San Diego Chargers are fresh off making a token appearance in the playoffs
where they beat an unimpressive Bengals squad who was the lesser of the four
shitty teams from the North, one being Pittsburgh who should have made the playoffs
but…the Kansas City Chiefs couldn’t hit a fucking chip-shot field goal thus
allowing division rival San Diego to get into the playoffs! Alex Smith proved everyone wrong by having
another solid season at QB, seems he finally knows what the fuck he’s doing but
the Chief’s defense apparently doesn’t if that performance in Indy last season
was any indication. Finally the Oakland
Raiders…who…cares!
Final Division Standings: Denver, San Diego, Kansas City,
Oakland
AFC EAST
For the better part of the last 15 years the AFC East has
been owned by the Patriots. In fact they
should just rename that sorry-ass division the Patriot Division because every
team not named New England Patriots sucks a huge dirty dick! This season should
be no different because…the New York Jets are all talk as usual and Rex is
already lambasting about his defense being the best in the league…hey asshole
you still have to score points regardless of your defense and the Jets don’t
have much in the way of a high octane offense so they can fuck off while Rex
pens his resume for next season! The
Dolphins…I didn’t realize they were still in the league? Oh wait I do now, their 2013 season was more
like an episode of Bad Girls Club…fucking grown men crying because they were
bullied…really…fucking Pussy Johnathan Martin.
I’m shocked he hasn’t come out gay and fully explained the Dolphins 2013
season. The Bills could actually be a
sleeper this season. They have a
talented defense and talented offense and if they can put it together they may
be living on a prayer before Bon Jovi buys the team and moves it to Toronto to
fade off into obscurity…no one should move to Canada!
Final Division Standings: New England, Buffalo, NY Jets,
Miami
AFC NORTH
5 short years ago the AFC North was the toughest division in
football now it’s pretty much that chic in high school that peaked way to early
and now looks pretty meh! The AFC north
is full of a buncha washed up old dudes with my team (Steelers) being first and
foremost. Coming off two uninspiring 8-8
seasons the Steelers and their inept front office/coaching staff felt a need to
finally make an effort to draft some players who can actually play which
coincidentally is a first in the Mike Tomlin era!
If they (Steelers) miss the playoffs this year then I think it will be
time to blow everything up! The
Ravens…fuck the Ravens and their whiny ass coach along with their overrated QB;
in fact the only player worth his salt on the Ravens is Ray Rice…too soon? The Bengals have a Ginger at the helm and for
some reason backed up the Brinks truck and gave him a ton on $$$ and let me say
this if being average and choking when the chips are on the table makes you
worth 100 million dollars then pay me that because my bedroom prose rivals that
of Andy Dalton's exploits on the football field!
The Cleveland Browns…normally I’d write something smart asses and
sarcastic refusing to waste more than 100 words on the Brownies, but the
acquisition of one Johnny Football have peaked even the interest of a guy (me)
who hates the Browns! If Johnny plays QB
half as well as he lands and bangs hot tail them he and the Browns will be just
fine!
Final Division Standings: Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Cleveland,
Baltimore
AFC SOUTH
Yawn…AFC South what a boring division with absolutely no
cool teams! I’m pretty sure all the
owners got together and figured out all the divisions and the 4 teams that
nobody wanted comprised the AFC South!
The Houston Texans…has there been a team in the NFL who had a shorter
window? It’s like a fat chic that lost a
ton of weight in a short period of time and finally got some dude to bang her
and she got pregnant and ended up twice as fat as she originally was! The Colts literally have a guy with mild
Asperger’s Syndrome as their QB! How
Andrew “window licker” Luck wins games is beyond me but rejoice Colts fans,
Andrew Luck’s post season record is on par with your favorite son; Peyton
Manning! Tennessee Titans finally may be
doing the right thing to become relevant again.
They got a new coach, got rid of soft Chris Johnson and are building a
defense again. Jacksonville got who I
believe is the best QB prospect to come out since Andrew Luck in Blake
Bortles. I think in a few seasons we’ll
be talking about Bortles an elite QB!
Final Division Standings:
Indianapolis, Tennessee, Jacksonville, Houston
AFC PLAYOFF
PROJECTION
NORTH – Pittsburgh Steelers
SOUTH – Indianapolis Colts
EAST – New England Patriots
WEST – Denver Broncos
WILDCARD – San Diego, Buffalo
CONFERENCE CHAMP – New England Patriots
SUPER BOWL – New England over Seattle
It's been awhile since I've blogged and several people miss it, I miss it and to be honest I had a good time doing it, but people are just too sensitive and take themselves too serious and definitely don't understand comedy, sarcasm or anything remotely non PC...We're living in a time when the things we say in the privacy of our homes can be used against us, and that's scary. I'm fucking tired of it to be honest. If I want to call my bestie a "faggot" then I should be able to, it's an endearing term in my circles just like the N-Bomb is used in just about every rap song...names are words and sticks and stone may break my bones...along with the Ferguson Missouri Police Department, but names will never hurt me! I was made fun of most of my childhood life for being small, sickly, reading comic books, loving Star Wars and collecting toys and I turned out fine! My X cheated on me with a guy who I coulda swore was gay and I got divorced and it turned out fine...people need to chill the fuck out and find the humor in things rather than take things so seriously, life is a whole lot easier that way! Enjoy!
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