ROAD TRIP: NRA NATL CONVENTION

Update: the weapon pictured in the picture to the left is Remington-Bushmaster's Adaptive Combat Rifle (ACR).  I thought his gun was a huge let down.  I was heavy and felt cheap.  In fact Turbo did an impromptu durability test on the bolt system and actually broke a piece of the bolt action off!  I about shit along with my old man!  The only thing Turbo said was "durability test-fail"!  We hurriedly put said piece back on the rifle, placed it back on the display rack, then shagged ass outta there!

To say I’m a gun rights supporter is like saying I like the NFL!  I love guns of all types.  But I’ve always been suspect of the NRA for primarily one reason…once you join they harass the shit out of you with mail, e-mail, and phone calls.  They’re a lot like the clingy broad you got drunk with then went back to her place and banged promising you’d call her the next week but never did resulting in you suffering from phone call after phone call from her insecure ass along with psychotic texts!  Yeah NRA you’re the same way!  Regardless the national convention was in St. Louis this year.  For years now my Dad has dreamed of going to the National Rifle Association’s National Convention so Turbo, my old man, and I jumped in the 3 series coupe and headed south to the NRA National Convention!

When we got there we had to register.  Now if you read the intro above you probably may or may not know that I’m not currently an NRA member, so in order to get in the convention I had to join.  For $25 I willingly agreed to be harassed with junk mail, e-mails, and anything else that money making lobby machine can do to irritate me!  Note to the NRA, why don’t you use that fucking money to lobby Illinois to get concealed carry?  If you get that passed I’ll become a life member…looking at you Wayne LaPierre!  My dad of course is a lifetime member, but he decided to drop some serious dough to upgrade his membership to the highest order you can get in the NRA.  Fuck, he is loose with the cash when it comes to the NRA.  Back in 84 had the NRA made Voltron he probably would have bought all 5 fucking lions for me instead of balking but that’s a story for another time!  Anyways after we got our registrations completed we headed for the 7 acres of gun manufacturers that in the end made this thing totally worth attending! 

When we entered the convention floor I nearly passed out from all the blood running to my penis after seeing all the major gun manufacturers!  A quick download of the NRA National Convention iPhone app and we were off to gun nirvana!  Now at this point I would like to make it clear that had I been married there is noooo wayyyyy in hell I woulda been able to go to a thing like this for several reasons, but I won’t go there because I’m not going to split hairs plus I don’t want people to know  how giant a vagapottumus I was while married!  Regardless freedom allowed me to go to this fucking gun paradise! 

I won’t go into detail on all the manufacturer booths I looked at because if I did this would be the longest post ever and you all would more than likely get tired not unlike when your wife keeps you up in bed at night talking about all the problems she’s made up in her head that don’t exist!  But I'll cover my three favorite booths (FNH USA, HK USA, Daniel Defense)!

FNH USA-  I was so stoked when I hit the FNH booth.  They have a plethora of weapons that I secretly bone over.  The SCAR series of battle rifles is one.  IMO the SCAR series is one of the most innovative designs out in the battle rifle market.  This is the first time I’ve held a SCAR in the flesh.  I nearly bought the civilian version a few years back, but opted instead for an AR style Black-Gun only for the fact that there are a ton of interchangeable accessories for the AR style weapons.  I pretty much finger fucked the SCAR 16 and SCAR 17 (pictured).  Along with the SCAR I gushed over the PS90 and FS2000 (Sub Machine Guns) SMGs.  Those weapons were amazing in the flesh as well.  I’m currently on the market for a .45 ACP pistol and I was impressed with FN’s 45s!  I own their FN Five-seveN pistol.  The only thing that annoyed me at the FNH booth was how unhelpful the reps were when it came to finding out info on my FN Five-seveN! I would like to purchase a laser for the bottom tac rail but I can’t find any suitable for it.  When I asked they didn’t know shit.  Of the three (3) manufacturers I’m going to cover, these guys were the least helpful, but when you have a shit ton of awesome weapons for civilian, military, and law enforcement like FNH does you can pretty much let your displays do your talking! 

HK USA-HK is also one of my favorite weapon manufacturers.  I’ve been cock teasing myself the last few years about buying the HK USP 45!  In fact that handgun was pretty much my next purchase until I impulse bought the FN Five-SeveN.  I think it was a win-win either way except the .45 ACP ammo is a lot cheaper than the 5.7 X 28 mm rounds for the Five-seveN!  Anyways at the HK booth I was able to see the full line of HK’s tactical weapons namely the ones used by the various special forces operating communities!  Among these weapons was my all time favorite HK weapon-the HK MP5SD (pictured) of the MP5 family of SMGs.  if you’re not familiar with the MP5 family of weapons just watch any Hollywood movie involving military badasses from the past 10 years.  Odds are an MP5 is in there somewhere, if not google it and I’ sure you’ll recognize this weapon.  Anyways the MP5SD is my favorite due to its integrated silencer.  I’ve read that the sound from the bolt action is louder than the actual sound of MP5SD firing which was confirmed by the HK rep who was very knowledgeable about all HK's products.  He went so far as to tell us that you’re more apt to hear the sound of the 9mm MP5SD round hitting the target than you are to hear the sound of the actual weapon firing!  This guy was former military so I trust him!  After my brief erection laden fling with the MP5SD I moved on to HK’s battle rifle display of the HK 416 family of weapons.  These rifles are similar to the AR style black guns in both look and design with HK's specific design touches added on!  Among these badass weapons was the HK 416 carbine style battle rifle (pictured).  This weapon was staggering in both look and feel with its compact styling featuring a 10.4 inch barrel with free-floating quadrant rail system.  The HK 416 was developed as the result of a joint military contract between HK and the U.S. Military and is currently fielded by various branches of the U.S. Military!  I fell in love with this gun the moment I had it in my hands!  I wish I could buy one and if I could I would have no problem dropping the cash on it! 

Daniel Defense (DD)-Daniel Defense had a badass booth!  DD has a full line of various concept AR style rifles that can be tailored to nearly any mission type.  They not only make full battle rifles but also make a full line of accessories to customize and modify the existing AR style platform.  I took a liking to their MK-18 style battle rifle with the M 208 grenade launcher under-barrel attachment (pictured).  I also achieved full erection over their carbine version of the MK.  DD’s rail system upgrades feature some of the most innovative tech I’ve seen to date.  The engineering along with the high tech cutting edge materials DD uses in their products are amazing.  I was impressed with all DD’s reps as well as their products.  Of the three (3) manufacturers I featured here I thought DD’s reps were the most engaging and knowledgeable about their products.  If you haven’t ever checked DD out google them up and visit their site to check out their history and full line of military and law enforcement products.

At the end of the day the odds of me owning the weapons I gushed over are about as good as an anorexic broad feeling comfortable with her body!  I basically would have to join a service branch, be lucky enough to be selected for a special forces tryout in which I would have to pass a grueling set of mental and physical challenges then be selected to join, placed in a team and then maybe I would get a weapon!  Lotta work for a gun right?  I'm 37 and that's doubtful!  

But at the end of the day my Dad was happy as a dog with two (2) dicks and if he's happy then I'm happy because I have the best Dad in the universe!  I would like to also point out that downtown St. Louis sucks my dick!  We were at the convention center next to the Ram's stadium and there wasn't shit for food or pubs nearby.  We later found out that you basically had to be a local to know where the places were which is fucking retarded when your city hosts major events!  Despite the fact that St. Louis has a great baseball team, that city kinda sucks compared to Denver!  You fail St. Louis!  That being said if you're a gun nut hit the NRA National Convention in 2014 in Indianapolis where there are plenty of places to eat downtown that's why they got the Super Bowl and St. Louis your shit hole city never will!  You won't regret it!!!!!

Cheers!