For the record I’m in a Clan-a thrill kill Clan-because let’s face it a
1st person shooter is basically thrill killing with zero
accountability , and our clan name is [TNUC]…that’s CUNT backwards for you idiots
who have a learning disorder (but not dyslexia) I know
most of you broken home babies have LDs, I see you walk past my house and throw
trash in my yard, for the record McDonald’s hires at 14 so get an early start
on the rest of your lives! That’s right
MW3 is basically thrill killing, which in some twisted way is a good thing for
you jerk offs who’re no doubt bullied at school because you’re socially
awkward, it’s not your fault your parents suck, but at some point you’re going
to have to figure it out like I’ve figured out how to stomp you!
As I sit on my ass playing MW3 on my weekends in between gulps of Ranger
IPA, I think to myself and wonder how many of these kids on this game have ever
handled a gun? For the record, I’ve gotten better at this game if you couldn’t tell already from how
many times I’ve killed all you little zit faced turds. This I believe-but not sure- is attributed to
the fact that I’m drinking while I’m playing now, it relaxes me. I guess if you’re a stickler you could say
I’m taking performance enhancing drugs to aid my skill set which is pretty good
right now! I had to do something to
counter all the Mountain Dew, Doritos, pizza rolls, donuts, pot, basalt, meth,
alcohol, and pills that you little pathetic shits are no doubt taking while
playing in your single parent’s basement while mommy is out being selfish
getting hit doggy style in some seedy Red Roof Inn, or Daddies busy pounding your babysitter! So I drink! But don’t fret; it’s only buzz drinking and
no one ever gets hurt buzz drinking right?
Well maybe some slut’s feelings you banged and told her you would call
her after you shuffled her skank ass outta your house the morning after cause
you had to get to McDonalds for buy one Egg McMuffin get the second free!
Now that
I’m not only dominating your little make believe domain where you have some
control over what’s going on since your home life no doubt sucks (see the part
about your mom being a whore), but I’m doing it while being the biggest prick I
can be (buzz drinking) which is blatantly evident by the number of you who back
out after you see my screen name! Anywho
I’m sure most of you dipshits have never handled a real gun, but I’m sure it’s
a fantasy of yours…you little psychos!
Real guns are dangerous as shit, and if you’ve ever held a real AK-47
it’s fairly terrifying! Oh and in case
you didn’t know, one shot with any of the weapons on MW3 will kill you, not the
fucking 50 shots you take from me and still for some shit ass reason don’t die
because some fucking Korean kid wrote a clever patch that makes him
ni-invulnerable! Cheater pants! So I figured I’d (and my fellow [TNUC]
members) take some time to acquaint you with a few of the weapons I
consistently shove up your asses like the 23 yr old dude does to your mom
thanks to match.com! For the record most
of your moms probably are whores…go through their respective nightstand
drawers, that jelly looking thing isn’t a tootsie pop kid! Read up you monkeys, gives you something to
do when you’re not getting bullied at school!
[TNUC]CALBI-YAU4791 (if you have a hot sister and she’s over 18 and
slutty PS3 friend me)
Sniper Rifles: I don’t use
sniper rifles because I don’t have a vagina!
Light Machine Guns: despite
their frightening rate of fire and devastating kill power I don’t use light
machine guns, reason being my ADD kicks in and I find myself selfishly wasting
bullets blowing up all the late model Toyota pickups in the 3rd
world African village maps. By the way
what’s with the African Militia characters, it's hard to take a bunch Africans running around in high tops, jeans, and tank tops seriously, they look like extras in a 80s
Musical Youth video. YouTube it
dumbshits, it’s pop culture. Light
machine guns are also heavy and take too much time to load which takes away
from my time to kill you little wedlock babies!
Primary Weapon AK-47: this is a maniac’s
favorite gun as well as a favorite of those slack jaw primates in the Middle
East to shoot erratically in the air while chanting gibberish and burning
American flags. For the record assholes
we get it you hate America so stop wasting valuable ammo! Have you seen the price on 7.62mm ammo lately? The AK 47’s worldwide sales rival total meth
sales of my hometown which is an astonishing amount! Lots of third world countries and terrorists
use the AK-47 because they're retarded and backwards (the actual people, not the gun)! This gun’s too jumpy for me! Its limited magazine capacity annoys the shit
out of me especially when I empty a full clip into you douches and you don’t
die then you shoot or knife me while I’m reloading and for the record I don’t use a
throwing knife because I don’t sit to pee!
I can’t aim this gun either, it’s too damn heavy and my fictional
awesome digital self can’t run with it.
This gun basically sucks and if it wasn’t for the knockdown power it has
I’d rather pay some tramp to use it as a bong while I watch her bang a gang of midgets! Sadly I looked forward to unlocking this
piece of shit, but it’s been a huge letdown not unlike your girlfriend
promising anal if you co-sign for her car and never getting it (anal)! The only explanation I have for it being
shitty is that the game must utilize the Chinese version (Type 56) instead of
the Russian version! Yes believe it or
not the Russian version is a step up from the Chinese, similar to fucking a
chic with herpes as opposed to one with hepatitis C, not a great step up but a
step up none the less!
Primary Weapon Remington Adaptive
Combat Rifle 6.8 (ACR 6.8): this is what I use most of the time because
I’ve unlocked high capacity extended magazines and I go through a lot of ammo
because you dipshits won’t stand still when I’m trying to kill you. I use a thermal site because my 46” TV isn’t
large enough to see everything 5' away and looking through a thermal scope is totally bad
ass, also most of you idiots don’t use a perk package to make yourselves
invisible to thermal vision so it’s fairly easy to pick you off from distances
because I’m lazy! I don’t like the
knockdown power of this weapon but with extended mags I can throw a shit ton of
ammo down range and usually that gets the job done against nearly all of you,
except the Asian kids…you guys are pricks with your fancy quick scoping. BTW there is no honor in quick scoping,
you’re no better than a child molester.
Secondary Weapon XM 25 auto-grenade
launcher: I used to use the Javelin Anti-Tank missile but it
takes too long to lock on a target and I was always getting shot or worse
knifed by you cowards before I could deliver my ordinance a lot like your mom
catching you jerking off before you finish.
So I switched to the XM 25 automatic grenade launcher because it has a 5 round capacity and IMO at the end of the day it’s quantity not quality…given
the choice I’d rather sleep with three average looking broads during the week
instead one attractive girl. The average
looking ones work harder because they can’t always rely on their looks and are
pretty much “pick a hole”, the attractive ones don't usually give it up because they always feel ugly! Sadly this
weapon sucks my ass too. On what planet do
lobbing 5 airburst explosive rounds not kill a guy three feet from the impact
zone? Yeah that’s what I thought and
that happens a lot, weird…looking at you Asian kids again! Oh well this weapon’s better than nothing, if
anything it makes nice loud explosive sounds that drown out the sound of you
little dicks chewing with your mouths open!
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